South Park Medical Files

Written on Saturday, January 31, 2009 by KayChink

YO! Chingus!

Have you watched South Park before? It's an animated television comedy series famous for its stupid jokes (well i wouldnt call it stupid but, famous for its cool jokes! :D), parody and controversies. The main characters of the series revolves around 4 boys :

Eric Cartman - the "Fat Kid" in the group and the others are constantly making fun of him about his weight. He is in denial of his obesity and often reassuring people by exclaiming "I am not fat, I'm big boned!!"

Kyle Broflovski - Kyle is the smart one. Everyone makes fun of him because he is Jewish, especially by Cartman. At Christmas he plays with his "imaginary" friend Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.

Stan Marsh - Stan is a normal, average, American, mixed-up kid. When the crazy things happen in South Park he's usually the one who brings a sane voice into the mix. Stan has asthma, a gay dog named "Sparky", and was crazy in love with Wendy Testaburger; he experienced significant trauma after she dumped him.

Kenny McCormick - Kenny is the unlucky one and dies a different way in almost each episode. He is poor and lives in a run-down shack with his violent and drunken family. He is muffled when he speaks, and we are left only to guess at what he has said. 

As an animated series, i believe that most of the kids want to watch it including YOU. but sadly most parents wont agree with you because they believe that this show could make you behave like a crap and will somehow turn you into a jackass. Well, after watching 7 seasons of South Park and countless hours spent in front my comp, it makes me ponder over the important lesson taken from each episode, and as the boys usually would say in the series : "You know what? I've learnt something today.."

That's why I'm writing this post to show how you guys could convince your parents about how important South Park is and how you could learn something from it. For this part of the post, I would like to share about what you will learn while watching South Park in MEDICAL point of view.

1. Pinkeye

Etiology 

The Mir space station crashes into Kenny, killing him only 25 seconds into the show. He is taken to the morgue where he is drained and filled with embalming fluid, however, the coroner's bottle of Worcestershire sauce falls into the embalming fluid and turns Kenny into a zombie. He breaks out of the morgue, biting the two coroners on his way out.

Symptoms

At the local doctor’s office, the morgue workers have their vitals taken: Their temperatures are only 55°F (13°C), they have no pulse, no heartbeat, and their eyes are puffy and sticky. The doctor diagnoses this as pinkeye. The two morgue workers are acting normally, responding to the doctor's diagnosis, until they say they have an urge to eat brains.

Treatment

Kill the main host - Kenny

2. Conjoined Twin Myslexia a.k.a Fetus in fetu

Etiology

A rare medical condition which involves one half of Siamese twins passing away at birth, thus permanently attaching the corpse to the other one's head. 

Fetus in fetu (or fœtus in fœtu) is a developmental abnormality: a mass of tissue inside the body that more or less resembles a fetus. There are two theories of origin concerning fetus in fetu. One theory is that the mass begins as a normal fetus but becomes enveloped inside its twin. The other theory is that the mass is a highly developed teratoma. Fetus in fetu is estimated to occur in 1 in 500,000 live births.

Symptoms

The patients usually angrily declares that he/she does not want any extra attention or special treatment, and that by doing so they make him/her feel singled out and only wants to be harassed and ridiculed just like everybody else in the town and storms away.

Treatment

Give a Lifetime Achievement Award

3. Chinkenpox

Etiology

Highly contagious illness caused by primary infection with varicella zoster virus (VZV). It generally begins with a vesicular skin rash appearing in two or three waves, mainly on the body and head rather than the hands and becoming itchy raw pockmarks, small open sores which heal mostly without scarring.

Usually it is better to have it while you are still young so parents tend to expose their child to chickenpox.

Symptoms

Exposed children usually tend to take a revenge on their parents for wanting them to get chickenpox.

Treatment

Calymine lotion, go see Old Frida, a local prostitute who has a herpes infection in her mouth, who they pay to go to their homes and lick, touch and otherwise mess with their parents' stuff to give them all herpes.

4. Spontaneous Combustions

Etiology

Occur when Kyle's dad is having a problem to get an erection. Also, it will happen when you hold yourself from farting for a very long time.

Symptoms

Having a mind set that methane gas from the fart may cause global warming.

Treatment

It is recommended to fart every few seconds. Have Cartman to be crucified in order for him to be ressurrected and give Kyle's dad an erection.

5. Interorectogestion

Etiology

When parents refuse to tell their children why someone would shove something in the ass

Symptoms

Change the bet money that you won into single dollar bills

Mechanism of Action

Treatment

Let Martha Stewart eats a Thanksgiving turkey with her ass.

So, what are you waiting for? Show this post to your parents and you are good to go! :D~ Btw, just a little reminder for you guys from South Park Elementary's Counselor.. smoking and drugs are bad..mmmkayy?? See you on the next post! Chiaoz~

P/S : Pictures and videos are courtesy of www.southparkstudios.com - Watch Full Episodes of South Park Online!!