The Bro Code : For Dummies Part 1

Written on Sunday, May 24, 2009 by KayChink

Everyone's life is governed by an internal rule of conduct. Some call it morality. Others call it religion, but Bros in the know call this holy grail The Bro Code.

Well, people always think that laws are made to be broken. but for me, there are rules/laws that are not to be violated or you will suffer the consequences (or as been written in the Bro Code, permanent dis-Broment)

History said, the earliest ever recorded Bro Code was attempted by Barnabas Stinson back in 1776. (4th of July, to be exact, the day America achieved its independence.. not a surprise actually because the code was found behind the declaration of independence - there was really no map behind it!!). Over the years Bros have amended and added rules, but Stinson's elegant words remain as the glorious preamble to the Bro Code.

Found by Barney "Awesome" Stinson in an undisclosed, vacuum sealed, bullet proof chamber, 2 stories beneath the sea level, this document was replicated for the sake of the Bros and I will always consider myself lucky living this long to tell you the awesome 150 articles of The Bro Code...(it took me 3 days to finish reading it, so in this post I'll post the important ones only)

Prepare yourself to be Bro-ed..dude. *Chicks, this is merely a fiction, don't even bother reading.. really.. it is just a made up story. ;)

Article 1 - Bros before ho's

The bond between 2 men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That's just science.

Chingu's Amendment : No applicable for a guy who already has a girlfriend. You see, the bond is much stronger between them. They clung to each other so much and even in some cases, ditched their Bros to do their own activities. Bros, come on.. you guys are not sleeping with each other right? That would violate Article 144!

Article 2 - A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.

Chingu's Amendment : Not applicable on Queen Bee. Seriously, you won't like the result.

Article 6 - A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of the other Bros in a gym locker room.

Chingu's Amendment : None. That is so true. Especially when your wee-wee is lesser than 5.5118 inches. In that case, cover yourself. (at least with your palm)

Corollary : If a Bro gets naked in the locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while, at the same time, immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage: "If a towel drops to the floor, so should your eyes.

Article 8 - A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.

There are no sentiments between Bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and the emotional distance of electronic mail. The following are a few emails for any Brocassion succinctly get the message across without costing you the trouble and expense of having to find and then send an actual greeting card.

SYMPATHY

To : Bro

From : Bro

Subject : Dude

Sorry, Bro

CONGRATULATIONS

To: Bro

From : Bro

Subject: Bro!

Nice, Bro!

GET WELL SOON

To:Bro

From : Bro

Subject : Bro..........

Don't give up, Bro.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Dude

Drinks on me, Bro.

THINKING OF YOU

To: N/A

From: N/A

Subject: N/A

N/A

Article 14 - If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the Brode of Silence and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than to tell the truth.

Chingu's Amendment : Come on.. better to be safe than sorry. Don't worry about Abs tho.. you can be his wingman and play dumb and still able nail that chick 10 minutes later instead of getting him lucky. Make it 20 minute, just to make sure.. if you know what I mean..

Article 22 - There's no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Women make excellent Bros. Why? Because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the Chick Code.

Barney, do chicks really have their own code?

"Yes, I'm afraid so. One morning, just before slipping out the door while my hostess was in the shower, I happened upon a copy of the rumored tome. I didn't have time to flip much past the pink bedazzled cover, but here are some of the phrases I remember seeing on the frilly pages within : "

A chick shall not sleep with another chick's ex-boyfriend, unless she does
A chick never pays for anything. Ever.
If 2 chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.
If a chick hears a chick-empowerment song like "I Will Survive," she shall stop whatever she's doing, grab another chick's hand, and shrieks the lyrics at the top of her lungs.
A chick may get a dog as a pet, but only if it fits in her mailbox.
If 2 chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to accidently spill a drink on the other.
A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner.
A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

Last but not least for this post,

Article 23 - When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes, but not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics and some occasions, surgery programs.

Corollary : Remember to fully lock your doors if your rooms frequently visited by chicks. What?? Really? In that case, lock your block door without the need to open it with a key and leave your room door unlocked(if you are living in an apartment) Listen and analyse the intensity of their knocks.

Low intensity shows that they just want to come to say "Hello" or "Hey, here's your food". Medium intensity - "Seriously dude! Don't you know what happened in the class today??" or they came to cook for you (help you cook? dude, come on..)

High intensity - Get up and open the block door fast!! You'll never know how long that intense feeling lasts!! Let her sit on your couch or in your bed while turning the volume up. You'll never know what will go up after that~ ;)

P/S : You might ended up riding a tricycle or the Devil's Threeway. So, choose wisely! ;)