Actually, "court" may be too strong a word: the male giraffe basically follows her around until she gives in and lets him have her! 

Abs : It is easy for me, I got the shortest neck among you guys... tha - ha - ha!!

Mags : Yea.... that's because you are a Fat Ass Malayali!

Abs : Goddammit! I ain't fat, I am big boned!

Shorty : Yea rite, people call me shorty and I don't give a shit! Still I can own you guys!! tra-ha-ha!!

Percula Clownfish: Your Mommy Was Your Daddy.

In Disney’s animated movie Finding Nemo, the animators forgot to tell you one thing about clownfish: they can change gender!

Clownfish live in a group consisting of a breeding pair of male and female, as well as some non-breeding males. There is strict hierarchy based on size: the largest is the female, next largest is the male, and then the non-breeding males.

If the female dies (or gets fished, I suppose), the male will change sex and become the female! Then the largest of the non-breeding males will get a promotion to become the breeding male.

Abs : Holy shit! I'll be the breeding male 24-7! I don't want to be a girl like you guys!

Mags : Yea rite, remember you screamed like a girl when Kay and I were hunting the rats?? 

Vicks : We got a rat in our room???? Noooooooooooooo!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 

Giant Panda: X-Rated Panda Porn!

Panda : Who cares about sex? let's eat!! tra-la-la~

For a while, zookeepers had trouble getting pandas raised in captivity to breed. In fact, male and female pandas showed little interest in sex - that is until someone at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding and Research Base in Sichuan Province, China, had the bright idea of showing them panda porn!

Now, when pandas reach adulthood, zookeepers there show them steamy videos of panda sex as part of their initiation rites.

Vicks : Noobs.. Only WoW and DotA can REALLY make you High~

Abs : That is so sick man! Watching panda make out is just not my thing..yuck!

Mags : It is like watching yourself in action ah, Abs?? Traaaaa HA HA!!

Argentine Lake Duck: Very Well-Endowed, Can Even Lasso a Female.

The Argentine lake duck may be small, but don’t take pity on it. See, the drake (male duck) of the lowly fowl has the longest penis of any bird species in the world.

From head to tail, the Argentine lake duck measures about 17 inches. That also happens to be the length of its corkscrew-shaped penis when stretched out. The tip of the penis is soft and brush-like, which the drake uses to brush away sperms deposited by a previous suitor.

University of Alaska Kevin McCracken explains that the ducks are promiscuous, and the long penis may be an evolutionary adaptation for the males to become more attractive to the females. That, and the drake also uses his penis to "lasso" a female who tries to escape from it.

Vicks : Hey Gringos~ People don't call me Shorty for nothing! This is so IMBA and shit. Tra-HA-HA

Abs : There's no point having a long weener but no meat in it! Dha-HA-HA~!!

Vicks : You see Abs.. you didn't get my point. Having a long one is better coz my litttle babies here can swim straight to big momma.

Abs : Yea, but when big momma got so many babies she will get so pissed and slice your so called "cockscrew wee wee" like slicing the cucumber.

Mags : Haaa.. started la.. (knocking on the wall for Bob - his imaginary friend)

Porcupine: Wee Marks the Spot.

How do porcupines mate? If you answer: "carefully," you’d only be half right - it’s also "bizarrely." Indeed, porcupines have a very bizarre mating habit:

First of all, female porcupines are interested in sex only about 8 to 12 hours in a year!  Second, to court a female during the short mating season, a male porcupine stands up on his hind legs, waddles up to her, and then sprays her with a huge stream of urine from as far as 6 feet away, and drench his would-be paramour from head to foot!

If the female wasn’t impressed, she’ll scream and shake off the urine.  But, if she is ready, then she’ll rear up to expose her quill-less underbelly and let the male mount her from the behind (that’s the only safe position for porcupines!). Once mating begins, the female is insatiable: she forces the male to mate many times until he is thoroughly exhausted. If he gets tired too quickly, she will leave him for another male! 

Abs : 12 hours in a year??? Then I'll have to FORCE myself to please her until I dry my weener out? Hell, NO woman! Screw you, I'm leaving!!

Mags : Thank God you were not a porcupine! if not, there would be Lesbians in that species! Cheers~

Vicks : You see Abs.. you didn't get it. Porcupines are rodents with a coat of sharp spines, or quills, that defend them from predators...(bla-bla-bla).. IMBA and shit.

Mags : Haa.. started again.. BOB~

Argonaut: Detachable Penis

Argonaut or paper nautilus is a weird species of octopus. First, they have a highly divergent sexual dimorphism. That’s science-speak for the difference in body sizes between males and females. A female argonaut grows up to 10 cm (~ 4 in.) with shells as large as 45 cm (~ 18 in.) The male, however, is only 2 cm (3/4 in) long!

But that’s not why argonaut is on this list. The male argonaut produces a ball of spermatozoa in a special tentacle called a hectocotylus. When meeting a female it fancies, the male then detaches its penis to swim by itself to the female!

Abs : Holy shit~ I think it went away again for love!! Take that bitches~

Mags : Oii Abs!! Stop contaminating the floor with your Pendejo (think his wee wee detachable..what a cunt)

Shorty : Once again, I would like to emphasize. People don't call me shorty for nothing.. Tra-la-la~

Bowerbird: Obsessive Decorator of Bachelor Pad

To attract a mate, the male bowerbird builds an amazingly complex structure called a bower. It is made of twigs and often shaped like a small hut.

The male bird then decorates his "bachelor pad" bower with a variety of objects as gifts: flowers, feathers, stones, and even bits of discarded plastics and glass. Hundreds of pieces are carefully arranged in monochromatic themes (i.e. all blue items). The bird is so anal that it will get really angry if you mess up its pile (say, by putting one differently colored pebble in its pile).

The male bowerbird spends hours sorting and arranging things. In fact, it will break its focus only to go to a different males’ bowers to steal stuff and mess the place up!

Mags : What the hell Abs! I just arranged my food according to its shape and taste!

Abs : Sorry dey, it's just...i'm so hungry and shit.. I don't know what to cook and in fact, i don't know how. Eh, can I pow your chilly powder and eggs ah? 

Mags : Yea sure-sure. Shooo shooo!! I'm just about to get high on this food...dammit!!

Vicks : Mags ahh, can I pow a little bit of sugar? also.. do you still have some rice left?

Mags : Dammit!!!

Here's an unposted scene from Animalia Tube Part 1

Mags : “I’m warning you, mating with the queen is a bad idea. When you do, your weener breaks off.”

Abs : “Whatever, I just can't help it, I'm so high and shit.”

Mags : “We’ve seen it happen. That’s why most of the colony is staying home.”

Abs : “You’re just trying to freak me out! You want her for yourself, you cunt!"

Mags : “It’s the truth. If you - ”

Abs : (flies away)

Mags : “Idiot.”

Love it? Like it? Had fun with it? Now take it! hehehe~ there are more to come on the next Animalia Tube! Hope you guys can keep your butt on the chair and not going wild about it. hoho~ See you on the next post! Chiowz~